A brief beleaguered effort, the final thrust, faces the entire team at crunch time. It's Last day Logan Five, and the clock is ticking down to those final few minutes before checkin time. That's when it occurs. Just before you're about to build, a change comes in. It's trivial really, only an effortless mote that would typically require your full attention for five days and at least nineteen double cappuccinos. But you don't have five days, and your cappuccino cup is empty. A nightmarish scenario such as this one might seem daunting to some, but to you it's only an excuse to unleash the bitch dwelling deep within. Cutting lose without reserve, you curl everyone's ribbon with the shapeless sharpness of your mental ferocity.

Who designed this? What were they thinking? Why is this software something that's stinking? Where are my egg rolls? Who sat in my chair? How come my dick keeps falling out of these underwear? I've got an idea, let's all take a break. Let's go see a movie, and then eat some cake. I need a new monitor. I need a new screen. It's been over two years since I got a new machine. My keyboard is ancient. The "F" key is stuck. The "L" key is missing, and the numbers are fucked. My mouse is is so big, it's got its own address. You can ping it on the network if you lose your location. Or, you can throw it at your screen if you need a vacation. Who farted in here? It reeks like fried cabbage, or is that the food you threw in the garbage? It's been there three weeks, and it's still in the kitchen. Three generations of maggots have already started to evolve in there. Soon they'll be programming computers, and we'll all be out of a job.

But not me. I can work with the insectoids. When the rest of you are slaving away in the sugar mines, scraping limestone for Lucky Charms, I'll be throwing plastic pigs at the ceiling and filling bras with grape jello. You won't see ME eating out of a bowl. Nope. I'll be dining on the latest in artificial bacon with baconnaise toppings and sipping yak milk out of a bisected coconut. I'll even have HD radio playing on my watch. So think of me next time you join your friends for a communal shower, because I'll be practicing my personal hygiene in private, thank you very much.